But first, Mario Kart.
Saturday, October 30, 2010
Conor - Hard Work or Boy, Achieving My Hopes and Dreams Is Turning Out To Be More Of A Hassle Than I Thought It Was Going To Be!
But first, Mario Kart.
Thursday, October 28, 2010
Last Tuesday, the Faculty-in-Residence (FIR) of Ross Hall, the dormitory in which I reside at Butler University, sprang for a small group of freshmen to go on an excursion to the local movie theater, where we would see The Social Network- yes, for free. Not only did I immediately jump on board for this activity because I'm a freshman, and when I hear the word "FREE" I sign up without hesitation, but also I had wanted to see The Social Network quite badly for a while. Incidentally, I convinced my buddy to drive us to see it in the heart of Indianapolis on opening day a few weeks ago. On the way, he decided that he would much rather spend his money on a Lebron James jersey to wear to the Jersey Party we would be attending that weekend. Furthermore, aside from the expenses necessary for the jersey, he decided from that moment forward he was going to be more frugal in his spending and called an end to unnecessary purchases- fast food, assorted candies and snacks and- you guessed it- movie tickets. Held hostage against my will in his car, I spent the next three hours either trapped in Indianapolis' Rush Hour on the freeway or in a mall in the middle of nowhere that seemed to be a cultural hotspot for African Americans. Although it was a neat experience to literally be a racial minority for once, I was pretty well bummed that I didn't get to see The Social Network.
But I digress. Another friend and I met up with the FIR and his wife, who were waiting on a group of freshmen ladies. My eyebrows were thus raised. This movie trip could be a valuable experience in which I could get to know several girls in an intimate setting, something much different than the weekend parties. No one honestly goes out to a party hoping to make friends that happen to be girls, unless, that is, physical benefits stem from the relationship. By attending the movie I could maybe make some girl friends (not girlfriends), something I've been lacking a bit since I left Springfield for college. We waited for these girls for ages, and I was getting anxious to get to the theater in time to make the movie and most of the previews. That's one of my biggest fears- arriving at a movie too late. I honestly don't think I could watch a movie after missing one minute of it. So thankfully, these girls finally showed up, and to my initial displeasure but subsequent delight, they were not too terribly attractive. Perfect! I wouldn't have to be concerned with trying to woo them or make an effort to make myself appear a little more appealing than usual. I was simply hoping to have an entertaining jaunt complete with some intellectual discussion afterward with girls that could potentially become my pals. However the bonding would have to be postponed, as at that point, I anxiously jumped in my friend's car and stressed that we should hurry in order to make the movie on time.
I'll fast forward a bit. The movie turned out fantastic, and I was actually able to secure a seat moments before the trailers rolled! When we all congregated in the lobby of the theater afterward, the FIR announced that the secret, special treat he used as a potential incentive to come (if the free movie wasn't good enough) would be cupcakes from the famous pastry shop in Broad Ripple (the nearby campus town) called The Flying Cupcake. Well, I wasn't one to complain about free cupcakes. We therefore departed from the theater and booked it straight back to the dorm in anticipation. However, my friend and I realized that we had no idea where to meet the FIR and the ladies for cupcakes. We wandered the halls for a little while before desperately stumbling into the FIR's apartment within the halls of the dormitory (which should have been our first guess). There we found everyone gathered around a little coffee table in the middle of this quaint, softly-lit, cozy living room. The FIR's wife presented me with a glass of cold apple cider, and we sat down to join the conversation.
It was pretty mundane, to be quite honest. We didn't even discuss the movie for a while, as I thought was the intent for gathering afterward, but rather listened to the girls swap stories about dorm life or their doings back at home. I just grabbed one of the few remaining cupcakes- lemon, yuck! What was I thinking? Oh I know, there was a sugared candy on the top in the shape of a lemon, which I had hoped was just a red herring- and quietly sipped my cider. I was very careful to retain a level of detachment throughout in order to give off that cool, aloof, James Dean vibe (to no avail), as one of the girls brought her very attractive friend to join us.
Now, I don't know if it was the cider or the rush of sugar from the cavity-inducing cupcakes or what, but somehow I began to feel intoxicated with a sense of humor and took it upon myself to join the conversation. At first I simply clapped my hands together excitedly while another girl related her difficulty in sleeping at night and exclaimed, "Well how about that movie!" Thankfully the conversation touched briefly, then, upon the basic themes and characters of the movie- okay, we didn't discuss the movie all too much, but we managed to stay relatively on-topic by occasionally delving into everyone's opinions of the inner workings and perpetual redesign of Facebook.
But that wasn't enough for me. I wanted to distinguish myself, you know, make a joke or two to lighten the mood a bit more and maybe make myself someone these girls remembered in a positive light after that night (and impressing the cute girl was definitely motive enough). But every time I attempted entry into the conversation, my quips and references were either met with silence or one or two pathetic chuckles induced out of pure pity for me. For instance, eventually the conversation switched gears for the nth time, and the FIR's pregnant wife enthusiastically related to us the tribulations she and her husband had been experiencing in coming up with a satisfactory baby name, whose sex has yet to be determined. I jokingly advised them to choose a sexually ambiguous name ahead of time in order to avoid any disappointment when the sex of the baby is revealed at birth. Unfortunately no one found this amusing until one of the fine ladies present, sporting a sideways trucker cap with her ponytail sticking out of one side, appended my suggestion with a real gem: "Yeah, like JIM!" which had everyone in stitches.
What? Jim is not sexually ambiguous at all. Whatever. I let this slide. There was still plenty of time to horse around later.
As the evening wore on, each one of the girls chatted incessantly about the most banal topics, referring either to the movie or to mutually-attended occurrences (I honestly was too steamed to pay attention), preceding each sentence with the word "Remember...?" This little detail sparked my attention, leading me to believe the time was ripe for a well-timed Chris Farley impression. After allowing a couple girls to speak their piece, I leaned over to my left, where the FIR sat (because he was the only person in the room who I thought would definitely understand my reference, if no one else did, though I deluded myself into believing it would be commonly recognized. He's a 30-year-old, sort of hipster-ish, APPARENTLY cultured guy who happens to dress a lot like Tynan Shevlin) and murmured just loud enough for all to hear, "Re-remem...remember Beatlemania?" Inside I was consumed with fits of silent laughter, invisibly patting myself on the back for telling such a great joke. To my astonishment, the FIR looked at me suspiciously and replied, "Yeah...?" Alas, this was the most involved response I got. I consequently looked around the room at everyone's faces, which all stared back at me bemusedly and silently. I was clearly referencing Chris Farley's uncomfortable interview of Paul McCartney on the Saturday Night Live "Chris Farley Show" skit on what I assumed to be the universally-viewed compilation Best of Chris Farley. At that point, I really felt like Chris Farley- in my head I thought to myself, "God! Damn! Idiot! Stupid question!" I hastily explained aloud that I had made an admittedly obscure Chris Farley reference and apologized sincerely. But there was nothing sincere about my apology. I was disgusted by my repeated, fruitless attempts at getting involved and making friends with such frivolous girls.
After that I just shut my mouth and feigned laughter at their crummy jokes and uninteresting stories, reluctantly throwing in the towel and ashamedly attempting to blend in, until "That Girl" announced that she regrettably had to depart prematurely in order to "study" for a test the next morning, at which point everyone stood up and decided it was time to go. I thanked the FIR and his wife for their generosity and hospitality and returned to my room (on the way, my friend informed me that my jokes were truly bad and embarrassed him terribly), while the girls made the walk back to their dorms across the street. I was depressed. One of the first times I had a serious intent to make girl friends ended in disaster because I was stricken blind with my narcissistic love for my humor, similar to the love John Mayer has expressed for his singing voice, and made myself out to look like some sort of unfunny, cornball geek.
Although I failed in my attempts to make girl friends that night, I am at the very least satisfied that for once I made a conscious effort to interact with girls on a friendly and unromantic level. I understand that every attempt of mine will not always be met with girls I particularly desire to hang out with, but I know that they are out there somewhere. It's hard finding new girl friends after having such funny, intelligent and unique ones before I left for school. But I have not been thwarted in my attempts to keep searching for those rare girls that will inexplicably laugh at my numerous eccentric jokes. I don't know where they are...but I will find them, even if they live in a van down by the Butler canal. Desperate, you say? LAY OFF ME, I'M STARVING FOR SOME FEMALE INFLUENCE.
Picture reprinted with permission from Tynan Shevlin
Wednesday, October 27, 2010
Tuesday, October 26, 2010
This weekend I went my cousins wedding in St. Louis. I was pretty annoyed to have to do this because I had gone out of town the previous two weekends and I had a lot of homework and laundry waiting to be done. So not the time for a weekend long of family-time. Plus I have been to a number of weddings in my life and the excitement was wearing off. I went anyway of course, and decided to be a little excited about it since I do really like my cousin Brent (the groom) and his now wife, Sydney.
I am by far the youngest cousin on my dad's side of the family so I have never been too phased by my cousins getting married and having kids. They were adults and that's what adults did. i was a kid. Weddings were boring and they never asked me to be the flower girl. Hello? I'm adorable. Anyway. Brent is different. He's only ten years older than me and he was always like the an older brother to me. He would include me and entertain me at family gatherings even though he was never in the same life stage as I was. He is also the cousin that lives the closest to me and therefore the one I would see the most. These frequent visits also allowed me to become well acquainted with Sydney, his ladylove. She is pretty, extremely nice and subdued. The subdued part is important because my family is full of big personalities and it takes a very chill person to put up with us.
Shit got real weird for me as soon as i saw Brent. There he was, sitting at the head of the table, laughing and joking about the coming events of Saturday and all I could think about were the dumb turtlenecks he wore in high school, laughing at the projectile vomitting in The Menaing Of Life with him and how bad his feet smelled when we hiked the grand canyon together. Then I looked at Sydney and thought about meeting her a few years back as Brent's new girlfriend, how she had cut all her hair off for locks of love and how she had almost cried when she showed us her engagement ring and told us how Brent had proposed. It was like a movie. I couldn't imagine my favorite cousin Brent getting married like an adult even though I already felt like Sydney was a part of our family. I had never had anyone I was truly close to get married and I couldn't make it make sense in my mind.
I ended up sitting in the back of the church right by the doors. As the ceremony started the doors opened and Brent walked down the isle with the preacher wearing a tux. I had never seen him in anything nicer than jeans and it hit me that this was really happening. He was standing in front of his whole family saying that he had found someone he loved more than himself and he was willing to announce it to the whole world that he never wanted to be with anyone else as long as he lived. At that point I knew I was in trouble but I decided I wouldn't cry. The bridal party processed through and the doors were closed in preparation for Sydney's entrance. The doors opened and there stood my cousins fiance in the most beautiful dress I have ever seen with a look on her face of the purest happiness I have ever seen. She shined. She walked down the aisle and I lost it. I had seen Sydney so many times and spent so many gatherings at the same table and seeing her usual shyness completely wiped away and replaced with a look of someone who was so sure, so happy and so in love was overwhelming. I cried. It was embarrassing.
I tried to collect myself but as Brent and Sydney joined hands and began to say their vows I realized there was now hope for my composure. I was witnessing something that is so rare in life. They stood up there so wrapped up in each other and so in the moment that they might as well have been alone in the room. All they needed was each other. I have never felt so blessed to witness something in my life.
I understand that this is the point of weddings and that it is assumed that every couple that does this feels the same way as Brent and Sydney but this was the first time I was close enough to both parties to really comprehend it. There's a reason there are so many songs and poems about love. It is something bigger than a person and it is really an awe-inspiring entity. I hope that Brent and Sydney have an amazing life together.
Monday, October 25, 2010
And you know what's worse? I'm so goddamn hungover. Like seriously. Have you ever tried to sit down and write a lovely little novel about pompous brats while hungover? Let me tell you, it's the fucking worst.
Okay, here's what I've got so far: I'll slap some title on it that's all deep sounding and shit. Make it sound real nice. Let's take something that sounds real introspective and stuff. Like arrogance. And pride. "Arrogance and Fucking pride." That just has a lovely fucking ring to it. I'll come back to that later. It can be my working title.
And I can't stand all of this properness bullshit. I think I'll have our little prejudiced bitch end up with some old pervert. This'll liven things up a little. Yeah, that's fucking great. I'm starting to like this story more and more.
Okay, how many pages am I at? Well fuck me. Whatever, this ain't no fucking English class. I'm done. This little masterpiece here doesn't need an ending, I'm just going to stop writing. Let's add a nice couple of sentences about staring longingly into each other's eyes and shit. Yeah, that's real nice. I can just imagine all the little brats reading this thing and deluding themselves about fairy tail love and all that shit.
Well, this is a nice little work I've slaved through. God, listen to me. I'm bitching like this Elizabeth girl now. Well, whatever. I'm done. I'm done with this shithole piece of fiction.
I need to go take a drag.
(Thanks to Connor Lohse for the suggestion)
Sunday, October 24, 2010
Hitting the ball
These are like a mix of what Nick did to T-Rex and Conor's love for cats!