If you said "AAAAAAAAAGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHH!H!H!H!H!H!HH!H!H!H!H!H!!!!!!!" then you narrated correctly. The fellow pictured above is named Broly. He's a bad guy, and he could kick you, me, your dad, and our planet's ass in about four seconds. But you know who's ass he can't kick? Kakarot. Kakarot is the Saiyan name of one of my all time favorite heroes, Goku.
Goku lives in the realm of Dragonball Z. Where fighting is about as necessary as water. The cartoon supposedly takes place on planet earth, but it is clearly a caricatured version of our modern society. This cartoon had me glued to my television every day at varying times, switching from 4 P.M. to 5 P.M., 6 P.M. sometimes even 9 P.M. Regardless, I loved this show. Like Brendan's Harry Potter or Nick's Squirtle, my childhood idol was Goku. He didn't have a last name. Last names are for bitches.
There's my guy. Ahh, what a dude. First off, Goku is absolutely incorruptible. He has literally turned down galaxies for the sake of the community. He has sacrificed his life and his well-being many a time for the sake of his friend's comfort and safety. He would take more than a bullet for a buddy, he would take a death beam. Goku embodies the purest form of good. He holds himself to a higher standard of justice than one could possibly fathom. If his death is in his son's best interests, you better believe he's going to do it.You may be asking yourself, "how does one die as many times as you've referenced Goku sacrificing his life to do so?" ...or something like that. Allow me introduce to you the concept of fiction. Dragonball Z is, at its core, based around the premise of seven magical balls (numbered 1-7 by how many stars they have) that, when collected and held in close proximity of one another, allow for the possessor to summon the baddest assest dragon of ALL TIME. He has a voice that would make James Earl Jones sound like Rosanne and can grant you, depending on which planet he is from, one or three wishes. Often times these wishes get used to wish people back from the dead (given that they didn't die of natural causes). So if Goku wants to go and get killed by Cell, he can do so with the hopes of later returning to glory after his friends collect the seven dragon balls. This shit sounds great, right? Well, evil and wayward entities try to have their own wishes granted. Immortality, all the power in the universe, and wealth are most wanted items. Enter Goku and his friends, dubbed "the Z fighters" by the awesomely intense voice-over guy who begins and ends each episode. The Z fighters have to foil their evil plans, usually by killing them, and restore order to the world.
Goku and co. have fought off three members of an ancient warrior race, a fighting team that was goofy beyond belief, their master, a couple crazy robots, an alien creation, and a bigass piece of bubble gum.
The most memorable of all of these villains was Frieza. The one i described as "their master". Why? Because I was ripe in age when he was fighting everybody, and furthermore, that dude was bad. How bad? Wiping out races and planets in mere minutes bad. Showing no regard for life of any kind as he expanded his empire at the same speed he could expand a huge energy blast. Peaceful takeover was out of the question, this creature was out for blood. Frieza came in with a legendary laundry list of heads he had accumulated over the years, and planned on adding to that when visiting the small planet of Namek.
Enter our hero Goku, and his friends, after dispatching the Ginyu Force (those quirky punks linked above) Goku was in bad shape, and was put it in a recovery pod similar to the ones seen in Storm Troopers and Resident Evil: Apocalypse. He was out of commission for a while, but his friends (including his lil son) had to fight off the most badass killing machine the universe had ever seen. After recently re-watching this fantastic saga, I addressed the burning need to check my twelve year old self with my current personality. The shit checks out, I loved the series.
Many a fan's biggest gripe with the series is that nothing ever happens in any of the episodes and that the series is just one cliffhanger after another. Admittedly, they do stretch a bout with one monster over the course of 33 episodes, but there's more to it than that. It's about surviving the iron fist that is Frieza long enough to be rescued by Goku. And the episodes themselves are actually fairly entertaining, despite their being little significant story progression.
When Goku does finally recoup and comes to face his Frieza, something amazing happens. Dragonball Z manages to take the most evil thing in the world and pit it against the most pure and goodhearted thing in the world, and have them fight each other to the death for supremacy. Unlike in Star Wars, another classic good v. evil tale, Frieza doesn't turn cheek. He doesn't spare anybody. He is all-powerful, mighty, hateful, and cocky about it at that. Goku tries several times to teach him the error of his ways but it's clear that the alien can't learn a damn thing. It ends up that Goku has to kill this evil monstrosity with his bare hands. He doesn't but he finds a clever way to get the job done.
As a kid, I paralleled every battle in my life to this saga. My side was Goku, their side was Frieza. Packers? Goku. Bulls? Goku. John Kerry? Goku. President Bush? Frieza. Minnesota Vikings? Frieza. My mom when I argue with her? Frieza. My mom when I argue with my brothers? Goku. Led Zeppelin? Goku. AC/DC? Frieza. The battle was long and epic. The combatants kept pushing themselves to higher power levels (one million!?) until they finally ended up becoming so strong and the force of their clashes so immense that they literally tore the planet apart just by beating each other up on it. The whole show is so hyperbolic. Everything is assumed to be at the grandest of scales. One punch from Goku could probably knock over the Sears (not Willis) Tower. Also they can fly, so, just get over that now.
This show was everything you wanted to be as a kid growing up. Powerful, strong, you could fly, you could shoot energy blasts with your bare hands. Plus you were Goku. You were good. You had a wife and kids and everybody looked up to you you were the best most wonderful most nicest thing in the whole entire universe. That was your goal. If you found seven dragon balls you could wish for anything in the world that you wanted! Probably a million dollars. Maybe more, if it exists. Plus they bled and they got beat up and it wasn't like Pokemon where they just got a sad face and were called back to their ball. They fucking died! Yeah, they could get wished back, but Frieza literally exploded Goku's best friend! Like as if he were in a microwave. How cool is that? This shit was serious.
Watching it now, it obviously isn't the same. I've long given up my dream of being Gohan and I will never get the chance to meet Trunks with his badass purple hair. But still I watch it, for what I'd like to believe was more than nostalgia. Because it goes back to the basics. Good versus evil. And that, with enough willpower and hard work, you can prevail over any asshole that stands in your way.
So that was my childhood niche. Watching galactic powers compete for shiny balls and eternal life. But, hopefully, there was something more to be learned.
--Eliot Sill
PS-Why in the fuck would I make a post about Dragonball Z and not include this guy?
I LOVE YOU PICCOLO!
Piccolo was a Namekian, native to the planet Namek. They were all green like this and they got murdered by Frieza. Luckily they were wished back however. So Star Wars has Ewoks, DBZ has Namekians, like Piccolo. Now if only they could have a baby...
I don't believe that they ever actually fight Frieza. They just continue talking about it.
ReplyDelete-Nick.