Asceticism, or something like it

--Robert Langellier

If you know me fairly well, then there's a good chance you know that I walk a lot. Like a lot. Not that I'm independent from cars; I still drive probably at least half the places I go. But if it's somewhere I've been wise enough to allot enough time for and the distance is reachable, I'm probably going to walk there.

Me dominating the sidewalk.

But this often leads to awkward moments when it's time to go home and social niceties clash with reality. Everyone feels bad for that poor kid who couldn't afford the $0.70 of gas it takes to get wherever they are. So then everyone offers me rides and subsequently looks confused and unwanted when I turn them down, because apparently I'd rather hoof it than spend 5 minutes alone in a car with them. Which is probably true anyway, because I surround myself only with the best and most attractive. Nevertheless, I feel like I need to justify my rejection of a world of high speeds and air conditioners. So I'm listing all the reasons why Robert walking > Robert driving.

1. I walk because I'm better than you.

2. It's therapeutic for me, kind of like running is for some and Final Fantasy is for others. It makes me feel good and fights away the Stress Monster.

3. It's healthy. That's how I get the brilliant figure you see above.

4. You have the opportunity either to make crucial life decisions or to be a wandering nothing (and everything in between) for an hour or so.

5. It slows shit down. As womany as it sounds, it's quite lovely to breathe deeply and enjoy the fine details of the scenery as compared to the green-ish blur of a roadside at 40 mph.

6. It saves a little money. Not the most significant reason, but a little icing on the cake I guess.

7. Walking is environmentally friendly. There, I said it. Douche point.

8. I have kind of a warped sense of time, so the only prominent downside of walking doesn't play into my situation that much. The way I see it, once I get where I'm going, the whole time it took to get there is nothing more than an abstract memory that no longer has any real affect.

9. You will appreciate the shit out of 3 things: wherever you go, whoever you're with, and the amazing speeds of cars.

((Negatives to walking everywhere:

1. Time.

2. People think I'm weird.

3. People think I see myself as better than them without realizing I actually am.

4. Shoe budget increase.

5. The weather.))

Now, the one reason that is considerably more important to me than the others is the last one, number 9. Life in the modern world is all about taking things for granted. We have planes and cars to take us across the world before bedtime. We have internets to unveil any information we so desire. We have environments where we can stare at a screen for an entire day in our pajamas without ever braving the sun. What we don't have is the ability to understand what it's all worth.

I don't pretend like walking places is going to reveal some great truth to me, but it has shown me how to appreciate things like I never have before. On a nice summer day in a car, I'll drive to every corner of town throughout the day, juggling friends and hangouts like obligations or appointments. Days become a sort of race to squeeze out as many thrills as possible until I'm too tired to continue. On a day on foot I'll leave the house at about 4, decide I want Headwest, get there at 7:15, and I promise you that will be the best Italian sub sandwich ever. Then I can go from there to Caitlin Sutcliffe's house and arrive at 9 to watch a movie with friends, and I promise you that will be the best movie ever, and you'll be happier to see your friends than you've ever been, provided that they're not your stupid lame friends.

That coupled with the therapeutic effect of walking makes me happier at the end of the day than on most busy days, despite having accomplished so much less socially. I'm not trying to change people's lifestyles or argue that it's for everyone, but I am trying to argue that I like it so that some of you stop taking pity on me.

So the next time you see me walking on the side of the road somewhere weird, please don't call my parents and tell them you've found their child. I'm doing it on purpose.